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Announcement V
November 24th 2009, 4:27 am by Monty2289
Attention All Members


Alright guys, Sorry I haven't coming to the site. Between working on a new site and overwhelming amounts work, I haven't been doing this place justice. Alright so the break is keeping me from using the net as much as I can (or need) so I want this site's revival to be effective.

If everyone still checks here (and I hope you all do), we will continue with our stories …

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Announcement VI
October 28th 2009, 5:48 pm by Monty2289
Attention All Members...

The RP Officially Begins Today!!

Interim this means that the "Sage Awakening Short Stories" can and must be posted within the following three weeks. - In the respective topics on the World Map. Please look at the "Sage Awakening Story" thread for any information and if it is not there please consult that thread in order to ask any questions.



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 Zero(Nature)

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PostSubject: Zero(Nature)   September 29th 2009, 8:46 pm

First topic message reminder :

Name: Zero(Nature)

Age: 25

Race: Keaton

Gender: Male

Sage Element: Nature

Lore of Power: Forest Temple

Appearance: He is 4'9 and 115 pounds. He looks like a golden fox with 3 tails. He also sports black fur at the tips of his ears and tails and closed eyes.

Personality: Zero is highly intelligent and mysterious. He is always seen smiling, no matter what happens. This, combined with his heavy use of sarcasm and mocking politeness, make it very difficult to discern his thoughts. Many find his demeanor and appearance rather unsettling, and question if he really is a Sage. Zero seems to be fully aware of the effect he has on others and more than once has been seen toying with peoples' emotional states for his own amusement. Many people who became acquainted with Zero were frightened of him and remarked that they were being strangled by snakes whenever he spoke. Even when he wasn't speaking to them directly. He speaks formal and polite, but with a rather mocking and facetious undertone. Although his hobby is people-watching, it seems like maybe he's hunting around and searching for an opportunity to create mischief with some poor victim. People who truly know Zero eventually figure out that he is not really pure evil in fact he is very law abiding and lawful good. He just likes to playfully mess around with people when he's bored. Otherwise he is a decent person deep down that will do the right thing in the end and help those in need. His mischievous nature is not unlike those of some young children who like to play pranks on people for the laughs.

General Abilities: Zero takes advantage of his speed to get away from bad situations and avoid trouble. In fact he is unusually fast, even for a Keaton. Zero as a magical creature(Keaton) can use the natural magic around him.

History: Zero grew up in the Deku Village along with the other Keatons. Physically he was not much different then the other Keatons his age, save for his drive. He always pushed himself to be his best. Ever since he was little, he had dreamed of becoming the fastest Keaton ever. After years of training his running ability, he had managed to constantly surpass himself and break his old speed records. Little by little over the years, he was getting faster and faster. Until finally maxing out his race's limits. He had reached the absolute maximum speed of his kind, the Keatons. There was no way to get any faster without some outside magical assistance.

Zero had just fulfilled a boyhood dream by maxing out his speed. His triumph should have brought him intense joy, but he felt strangely detached. "I'd been fantasizing about this moment, and the release of emotion that would accompany it, for many years. But now that I am finally here, accomplishing that very goal...I just can't summon the energy to care." He anticipated that he would experience a transcendent emotional high when he reached his goal. As it turned out, his triumph would be accompanied more by anxiety then by ecstasy. And though the harrowing events that followed initially left him emotionally numb, we was soon flooded by intense feelings of depression and boredom.

It is the feeling one gets when they finally achieve all their life's goals and receive everything they wanted but instead of feeling happy they feel empty as if their life's purpose has no longer any meaning or significance. He had devoted his entire life to hard work, determination, and training. And now that it was over, what was next for Zero? After a few more years of soul searching, Zero finally came to terms with his situation. He decided that he needed a new goal and a hobby to spend his pastime on. So from then on, he had decided to fool around with the psychological states of the people around him. He began to talk in an unusually polite and friendly way. Or at least it appeared that way, superficially. But within each word that Zero said, there were hidden meanings and undertones that had caused various reactions from the people he talked with. Some people felt as if they were being strangled by a snake every time they heard him speak by the mysterious vibes and aura that he seemed to be unconsciously emitting.

There was also the fact that he constantly smiled even in his darkest hour. Whether we was merely flirting around or in the presence of a very tragic event, he never changed his facial expression. Rumors had begun to grow that Zero was a sadistic and psychopathic being of pure evil. The people had begun to fear Zero and become suspicious of him. Whenever one of their number turned up missing or dead, they suspected Zero for to be in someway involved in the accursed affair. Some have even gone so far as to attack him but Zero managed to run away to safety. After a while, Zero had decided to leave home before things got out of hand.

Zero decided to visit Hyrule Castle Town and perhaps try to get a job there. Zero explored the castle and the neighboring Hyrule Castle Town. It was a totally different world then what Zero was used to. Then one day during his stay at Hyrule Castle Town, Zero witnessed an attack on a female Shop Keeper by a large group of bandits. Zero quickly rushed to her aid because his honor just wouldn't permit himself to just stand there and watch a poor helpless girl being taken advantage of by a bunch of pricks.

Zero pounced one one of the bandits and took them by surprise with a blitz tackle. He totally didn't see it coming. The bandit fell to the ground and dropped his sword. Zero quickly grabbed the fallen Bandits sword. Then using the sword, he attempted to speed blitz the bandits using Zero's new sword. However Zero was new to the whole fighting thing as he had never had to resort to violence before. Unfortunately, due to his fact, Zero's application of his superior speed in combat wasn't as effective as he hoped. He was tripped by the last bandit and fell on his butt. He was too dazed and winded to be able to dodge the incoming attack of the last bandit. Zero's life was flashing before his eyes but luckily the female shopkeeper managed to knock out the bandit with a good blow to the back of the head with a flower pot while his back was turned.

Zero thanked the shopkeeper for saving his life but the shopkeeper said that it was she that should be thanking Zero. She kissed him on the cheek. She asked Zero if there was anyway that she could repay him. Zero said that some food and shelter will do just fine. Confused, the lady inquired about why Zero wished for such trivial things. Zero explained that he was exiled from his homeland and had no food, no money, and nowhere to go. Feeling sympathetic, the shopkeeper offered zero a job at her shop and a place to sleep. With the job, he would have enough money for not just food and water but other necessities and luxuries that Zero may desire. Zero thanked the shopkeeper kindly and accepted the offer.

Zero spent all his free time, training his ability to fight effectively in super speed. After several years of training, he became a little more adept at fighting. He also continuing his old tried and true hobby of people watching and mischief. He had toyed with minds of most of the villages except for the young merchant that was responsible for saving his life. The people of the village began to react to Zero's mischief in much the same way as the Keatons did before. People had begun to hate and fear Zero all over again. Zero was forced to leave town once again.

This time when he was choosing where to go next, some kind of force seemed to be pulling Zero South. Zero didn't understand it. It was as if someone or something was calling out to him. The curiosity eventually got the best of him and one day he tried to investigate the source of this strange feeling. His quest led him to Kokiri forest. He encountered several natives that tried to stop him from passing through their little village. They even went as far as trying to fight him but Zero used his speed to get past them without resorting to violence. Even though, he now had some fighting skill, he was still a pacifist by nature and preferred not to have to fight unless he had no other choice.

Zero, following his intuition, eventually found the way to the Forrest temple. He was surprised that his search led him to this ancient and abandoned-looking structure. Zero eventually reached the source of his uneasiness. Then something happened that will change his life forever....


Last edited by ssj3gohan007 on October 27th 2009, 9:03 pm; edited 31 times in total
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 21st 2009, 5:08 am

Awwwwww..... Fine
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 21st 2009, 6:30 am

But... than I can't call him Artie....
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 21st 2009, 11:51 am

Sorry guys...I need to handle a personal problem contending with this computer and one particular person. I digress.

Seriously...this story is well...I think Nee-chan would put it as "bunz"

No originality. Link's story is the same as yours. He's not a Korkiri but a Hylian (Calatian in the fan-fic) You only added the whole destiny about the King of Hylia. I'm not sure if you know this but I think we have at least 3 other experienced Legend of Zelda fans on this site.

Okay let's put it this way. If I specifically said (out of mystery) that Yusei Sumeria's actual last name is Hyrule and Zenitha is currently the Princess and only member of the Royal family accounted for, then how in the world would you be destinted to be the King of Hylia. Not that there is a such thing in the first place. (It's Hyrule, there is NO land of Hylia). And there is no way that you're my father. Obviously so but still I'm not even going to allow that notion to be used as a joke. Saying what you did just points out that you rushed and you didn't read.

I know you're not Edogawa or anything bro but your story is just bits and pieces of random data into anecdotic patterns. Like you explain you didn't care for soverignity so you go out and travel. And then it's like BAM...one day you're saving some poor innocent girl even though you didn't want to. Saving her alluded to what formation of importance? Because your strength while amazing contributed to nothing. Hylian Knights are Royal Guards. Why would they be helping a random little girl. (Unless said girl was royality) You mentioned nothing to allude to this or point that out.

For that matter...Hylian Knight. Take it out. I specifically stated no more knighthood
backgrounds.

The very last paragraph is completely ripped from LoZ: Orcarina of Time, other than your boosted up rep. that your character apparently has. Which means nothing since any story about knight hood should not exist anymore. The only knight background acceptable only due to them being finished early and not existing of the same land is Kenny and I.

All and all it's your story telling. As Fail as it is. Seriously...I don't feel like trying sugar coat the fact that the story was horrible because it wasn't yours. It's like you played between the first 20 min. of the game and then the first 20 min. after Link becomes and adult (in Orcarina of Time), took that knowledge and wrote this monstrosity.

I will admit that it was written before time was up for you and that's awesome. But let me make this clear that this won't help you get me off your back. I'm extending the dateline by one more day. Because apparently it's that hard to write a story. Realize that this RP is full of people who can help out. Obviously you need to pitchable ideal influence.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 22nd 2009, 1:29 am

Okay.

1)I took out the Kokiri origin

2)I took out the Royalty bit

3)I am no longer a Hylian Knight in the story.

4)Well I fixed most of the stuff(If not all) that you have mentioned.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 22nd 2009, 3:24 am

Thank you for responding to all editing requirements though you went back in the same direction we specifically talked about. "How does being a mercenary make you lawful good?" *sigh*

Same idea with the fact that you haven't been reading the site. The Biggoron Sword is not yours to claim as a weapon before the RP begins. Sure it's fine that you mention it was given to you but you actually create explainations of you with it. I don't see how it contributes to history. Also I "want" to ask you disregard the Goron based story. Stop trying to assimilate yourself into a lore that belongs to another character. Death Mountain = Goron City = Fire Temple = My lore.

The Korkiki story was fine. More than fine because no one else could personally historalize anything that happens there or near it. It relates to your lore. The only problem I had with the origin was the Royalty complex and the fact that you ripped Link's relation to the village. The relationship being that he is Hylian. I mean it wouldn't hurt to be a Deku Kid, Fairy, Keaton, etc. etc. Everyone does not have to be Hylian and truthful because I want everyone's stories to contribute enough ideas the only Hylians that should exist is the Princess and Skye (The Sage of Light).

Here is my 2 cents on how to fix this. Why does your story have to always be about murder, knighthood, killing, other lores, and more often than not, a really boosted reputation. Like you have to be really bad ass or something. I understand being humble isn't your strong suit but every other paragraph you're talking about your skill and awesomeness. - When the reality of the entire ordeal is that you have to be at the same level of novice as 7 other people.

Just writting is always the best solution. Write and avoid the whole "I'M TOO AWESOME" complex because it is majority the reason you'll never be a good RPer. Prove me wrong by creating a story about a humble character with a good heart who MIGHT be prompting to making a choice for the greater good only for him to stumble upon a destiny unlike any other. Not some easy going guy who claims to have a good heart but kills on a daily basis whose hardships and actions don't even remotely explain why he's a sage.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 23rd 2009, 5:59 pm

I think I might change the race to Keaton, what do you think?
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 23rd 2009, 6:56 pm

Why not... Of course if that were true there is no way you'd be able to keep your 9 foot body.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 24th 2009, 4:07 am

And rewrite your whole story to fit the race of course but it'd be a nice change to the whole hylian character...and when I saay change I mean it since the only thing you've done is change the story but retained the physical appereance you already had which makes me think that you're too lazy to rewrite that(not trying to offend you or anything) so this time It'll be nice if you take the time to create a character that you can truly call your own and if your a zelda fan I know that you'll be able to do it...and if not then you can always asks us if you havce doubts and you SHOULD ask us, remember we're all part of the same team
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 25th 2009, 7:09 am

I am not very familiar with the usual size of Keatons. Could you please educate me? What's the average height and weight?
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 25th 2009, 8:18 am

Human sized Keaton were no more than 4 feet. Fox in particular being 4''9'

Fox like all Keatons have the ability to use the natural magic around them. They specifically use the earth the run at tremendous speeds. All Keatons live in Deku Village (a place that is fan-fic powered) where the Grandmother Tree exists (The distance between the roots of the Great Deku Tree and the Mother tree are actually only by a foot.) It really tells you how big those trees are. But the Keatons live in and around the tree itself.

Keaton are based on Kitsune. Normally having gold/yellow fur and three tails. Most Keaton with higher minds are able to stand on two legs and communicate with other races. - Please don't put that as an ability because it's not that special. Keatons hardly ever appear with their eyes open - at least not to others mostly.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 25th 2009, 6:53 pm

Can my guy be 6 feet tall. Is Deku Village located in or near Kokiri forest?
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 26th 2009, 3:43 am

I think monty has already told you the max. height is 4 feet.

You also have about two days left, so you'd better hurry up and finish your application, gohan =.=
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 26th 2009, 4:43 am

Quote :
Human sized Keaton were no more than 4 feet. Fox in particular being 4''9'
I would say 4'9" is the absolute max...
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 26th 2009, 11:18 am

Thank you 2 for noticing I said that.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 26th 2009, 10:32 pm

I managed to fix everything but the history, which I am having trouble with.

Can someone give me some advice about what I should write about?
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 26th 2009, 11:01 pm

Sweet Baby Jesus and the gang of muppet babies. Did you seriously just rip sonic for personality. Not cool.

And I specifically SAID this more than once. YOUR GENERAL ABILITIES DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH SAGE MAGIC.

You cannot run that fast. You are NOT Sonic. Albiet with your Sage Medallion could enhance the ability to do as such.

Also I cannot understand why it's so hard to come up with a story. No wait, I do (for you at least). Maybe if you stop writing like you're are so damn awesome then you could. I'd suggest some stuff but I honestly don't want to say anything because you're just going to overconceptualize everything I tell you into some dellusion of grandeur where you are so "bad ass" no one can touch you. - That is truly annoying.

Example: Taking the whole height thing. You assumed 4''9' was the max. Claiming that you "tower" over most keatons. Chances are you do, but what's the point in mentioning that other than claiming like its some type of god given gift. :/

In conclusion just write (without a boosted agenda of story) and we'll see where we go from there.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 12:02 am

There, I fixed that. Not the history yet, I will work on that. But the personality, general abilities, appearance are fixed. Zero is no longer a badass or anything. Nor is he running faster than the speed of sound or copying sonic.

I will write the history soon.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 2:15 am

I'll leave it at that. I was going to state that it isn't totally bad to do so but IT IS. And you got to admit that it was PV rip Sonic. -When you saw the words "run fast" you went to town.

Unless I want to hear an Opinion Douche almanac, I don't think I ever want to see a hyped up app. on MY SITE. When I'm on yours you can make "your penis as big as you want" with everything you do. To be honest if other admins from other sites saw this they'd probably say the same thing. Unless they were so sympathetic they'd approve anything. -And as we all know, I'm not.

But you only have so much time so you will have to try to get on that history, man o:
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 3:56 am

TOMORROW IS THE DEADLINE, GOHAN, SO YOU'D BETTER GET THIS FINISHED. QUICKLY.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 6:47 am

Ok I posted the newest version of my profile. Please take a look and comment.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 8:20 pm

Why you are 50 I have no idea.

I feel like you want me to break down and accept this. I just can't understand. Believe it or not I still see boosted up crap. Half your history is about you fufilling a role of trying to be better than everyone around you.

The only merit is that you actually sort of tried and I probably should face reality that you really can't write a story. :/. Not an insult but I'm one semester away from getting a bachelor's in English Ed. That leaves something to be desired if I myself make billions of typos but I know my way around a conduct that requires extensive and complete creative writing. - I also understand if having a degree in that means nothing to you.

It's my job but I'm asking for a temporary sharing of powers. "Kenny (LolitaComplex) what do you think? I'm sure you have something to say to me - if I seem so harsh. But I think I'm learning my lesson the hard way just by prolonging this app. So if you think it's acceptable, it's acceptable. If not then you'll have to edit more, gohan."
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 9:03 pm

I changed it down to 25, if that makes you any happier.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 27th 2009, 11:16 pm

I never said I cared. Other than mentioning why be 50 in a generation of sages whom ages do not exceed 25 without reason.

Also I can't stand to see that age because of the precident that was set. If you're fifty that means you got to see if not knew the previous Sages of the All-World. I set a two generation span so no one should have known them when they were alive. At least not any of us.
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 29th 2009, 8:17 am

hehe, I think I know the answer, but can I be an exception to this? I am 200 yrs old after all...
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PostSubject: Re: Zero(Nature)   October 30th 2009, 6:24 pm

*sigh*

Other than mentioning why be 50 in a generation of sages whom ages do not exceed 25 without reason.

I'm sure that "without reason" says it all. i.e. YOU HAVE A REASON.

Besides you lived a whole century earlier before anyone ever heard the term "All World". Jeez...
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